Pet Shops Rules that should be Introduced

Pet shops are blessed places. There’s nothing I love more, as a teen, than visiting a good pet shop full of little kids. With all this happiness invested in me, it’s the pure fun of it that drives me to write this article.

Rule #1: All pet stores need lots of loud birds right at the front of their story. And none of that hiding in the corner thing. They need to be right up front at the entrance. Nothing induces a better headache and makes you want to buy the furry things more.

Rule #2: Employee’s should have lots of zits and look like they’ve spent the night in the animal’s cages. On the street this may not be attractive, but under the light of a pet store cieling, it’s hot.

Rule #3: If a little girl buys a rodent there, the pet store employee should be prepared to chase the animal around the cage and when he finally corners the new trembling pet, he should grab him around the middle and choke the life from him as he is lifted into a box.

Rule #4: Make sure the little guy is in a very thick box! No holes! Holes provide drafts that can make the ride home cold and less enjoyable.

Rule #5: The store should be crowded. It’s no fun to go into a pet store and have lots of room. Lots of room makes you feel like maybe the animals will have room to look out and breath and won’t have the chance to overcome the fear of closterphobia. All animals should experience over-populated cages at some point in their short lives.

Rule #6: Never clean out the cages! While this may seem contradictory to traditional belief for ultimate animal care, it has come to my attention that animals waste has reusable protein in it. The longer waste sits in the cage, the more protein it gives off in the air which is in turn breathed back in the animals system. An added plus is when humans pass by and are benefited by this protein as well!

Rule #7: Over-price the products. Definitely. People will learn to appreciate the food they get for their pets if they are led to believe that is better than the much cheaper Walmart products.

Rule #8: As a general rule, employee’s should be taught not to act wierd when a customer asks a question about how one of their animal species reproduce.

Rule #9: What’s with the ‘Don’t put your hands in the cage’ signs? Who’s going to want to buy a ferret if he can’t get bit at the store instead of when the ferret is first brought home?

Rule #10: Put the animals through as much pain as possible when cutting their nails. The best way is to have one employee twist them onto their back and chain them to a table. Another employee can gag the animal so nobody is hurt in the process. Finally, the third employee can take out scizzors. Or better yet, a knife. It only takes about 10 minutes to carve the animals toes off, while the new pet owner looks on with great horror.

As is obvious, I’ve only touched on a few key rules. There are many more genius points where this originates. The best advice I can give to pet stores is to remind them that customers are not what is most important! Animals need such a warm place to keep them safe until customers come and buy them.